As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
