I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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