Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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