I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
