Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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