yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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