Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
