did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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