My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
