FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
