I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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