does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
