just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna bring you to show and tell
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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