I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
