I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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