Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
