Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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