We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
