I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
