just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
