do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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