you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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