Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry damnximxfkdxup hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(817): View more from Texas

You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.

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(614): View more from Ohio

What tipped you off? The sombrero?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.

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(928): View more from Arizona

Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture

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(480): View more from Arizona

Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.

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(208): View more from Idaho

dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees

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(817): View more from Texas

I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"

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(831): View more from California

dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party

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(636): View more from Missouri

My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.

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