Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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