It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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