yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
