i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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