I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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