I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
