too bad you live with your parents still
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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