do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
