I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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