did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
