I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
