Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
