I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
