She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
