I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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