So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
