What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
