Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
