Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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