Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
