she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I deserve this hangover.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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