I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
