Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My friends, they love my intelligence
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
