I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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