just come out here and I will go home with you...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
