Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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