Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
